With our cell phones becoming ever more prevalent in our lives, it’s no wonder that technology has gotten into how we form relationships. Dating apps like Scruff and Grindr make meeting handsome, available, single men easier than ever and have changed how we communicate with potential mates too. While polite conversation over a drink used to be the way to get to know each other, online dating has created a whole new, super sexy way to communicate… “sexting” – sex texting. Here’s what you need to know about how to sext.

As with anything, sexting or sext messaging is an art that requires skill, eloquence, and a few guidelines. A good sext can make add a LOT of spice to a relationship, and allow you to get to know your new man more intimately (even before you meet in person). Besides just being fun and kinky to do, sexting is sure to get you and your partner fired up for the real deal.

Even if you are partnered up, sexting stokes the heat in your relationship. Perhaps you have to spend time away from your partner and you want to keep your guy on fire with an hour or so of sexting (maybe followed by a kinky video date?).

Sexting playtime can be anything from a little playful to sexually suggestive dirty talk or with sexually explicit pictures and everything else in between.

Knowing how to sext will be important to finding, getting, and keeping someone you meet online or off. You will have no problem finding someone to be on the receiving end of your sexts. According to the American Psychological Association 82% of adults are sexting…regularly. It’s time to join the steamy fun.

Here’s what you need to know when becoming a sexting pro:

The Basics of Sexting:

Everyone involved in sexting MUST be above 18, especially if nude pics are involved. Please don’t have a night of textual romance ruin your life. Remember, once you text or send a picture, it’s out there…you have no control. So keep it legal!

You’re gonna need a camera, an Internet connection or cellular data, and, of course, a partner. That’s it. Sexting is super fun and doesn’t require fancy set ups, clothes, or anything crazy. Though, it never hurts to dress up, lube up, and have some playtime fun. After all, cameras and costumes are a queer’s best friend.

Find a partner that is consensual to your sexts. Propose sexting with something like, “Hey, I think you’re cute. Can I see if the rest of you is cute, too? ;)” or “What are you doing right now? I’m naked thinking of you. Wanna see?”. Definitely ask first and get a green light before you start sending pics of your fuzzies.

Never send nudes to someone out of the blue, as this will cause the other person to think that you’re creepy and perverted. Even if you’re not, it’s just rude to do that to someone. It’s like flashing someone randomly in the street…plus, you know you’re packing heat down there, so you want to prepare your sexting partner for the goods.

Keep texts concise. For the love of god, don’t send them a romance novel. Even if you are an author, people just want the SparkNotes version in text form. Quick and dirty for the phone screen, although you can send links to erotica sites like Literotica if you’re dead set on sending them longer steamy pieces.

Along with message conciseness, make sure that you properly spell your words and use correct grammar. Nothing is a bigger turnoff than learning that someone wants to “duck” you. Don’t let autocorrect ruin your build up.

Go slow with the messages, starting with flirty, non-sexual texts then slowly turning up the heat. No one wants to get hit with “I want to be inside you” right off the bat. It’s the progression that makes sexting that much more appetizing.

Share your deepest fantasies. Sexting is a fantastic way to overcome any shyness you may have asking for or sharing your erotic fetishes in person, especially those fantasies you want to keep fantasies (not actually act out in real life). Play with ideas and passions. Tease and embellish and tell stories. Set a stage and stoke the fire…before long, your man will be BEGGING to come play.

Sext is Personal

That’s pretty much all you need to know. From here, gauge how to respond to your partner based off what they like and don’t like. Sexting is an incredibly personal thing between two people, so there’s no one-size-fits-all formula for it.

But if you find that you’re having trouble getting the ball rolling or want to keep the conversation going but don’t know what to say, here are some examples that are sure to crank up the heat:

“I woke up hungry for you.”

This would be a great wake-up text and set the mood for the rest of the day. Your partner won’t stop thinking about this until they meet you and get their meal.

“I’m so stiff (from these workouts) :)”

A little innuendo never hurt, and can actually be something to get them to start thinking about you in a different way.

“I had an amazing dream about you last night. Guess what it was about.”

A guessing game is good to use because it clues you in on what they’re thinking (and inadvertently what they want), as well as allows you to tell them what you want to do to them. Even if you didn’t have a dream about them, putting up this hypothetical scenario gets you talking about fantasies.

“You like that, don’t you.”

This is just pretty hot, as well as prompts them to respond.

“Tell me what you think about when you touch yourself.”

Using this is a good way to get inside your partner’s head and experience their fantasy with what they want to do or what they want you to do to them. It’s intimate, personal, and incredibly sexy.

“I’m touching myself right now thinking about you.”

In the same vein as the previous text, this allows the other party to know what you’re doing at that moment and proceed from there.

“I love it when you talk like that.”

Affirmation is always a good thing to hear and lets your partner know that yes, continue saying those things for me. It’s like playing a game of hot or cold that only gets hotter.

Those are some tips to help bring life to your sexting game. As with any Internet interaction, though, be smart about what you submit to other people. Never include your face in a nude photo or any other marking factor to show that it was you, as you don’t know what people can do with a photo once they get it. Also, be aware that sometimes your phone can get hacked, especially if photos are being uploaded to Cloud storage. Stay safe with your identity, especially with something so intimate.

But don’t let potential fear get in the way of enjoying a good sext. It’s fun, incredibly body positive when done with a good partner, and a great way to prime a relationship for sex. Have fun out there 😉